8 Ways to Stop Obsessing

8 Ways to Tame the Mind Monster and Stop Obsessing

Everyone obsesses about something from time to time.  We obsess about the awesome job we just applied for or the newly sprouting greys joining the party at the top of our head.  Yet sometimes, during times of stress or change, the mind monster gets hungry and greedy and decides to chow down on our inner reserves of calm and trust.

Obsessive thoughts can vary from the repetitive, “Why doesn’t he call me back?” mantra, all the way up to ruminations that classify as a full-blown OCD (Obsessive Compulsion Disorder) diagnosis. 

OCD is an anxiety disorder characterized by unwanted and unreasonable thoughts (obsessions) that create repetitive behaviors (compulsions) in an effort to stop the thoughts. A common example of OCD is hand washing.  The individual knows their hands do not need to be washed 4 times an hour, but the thought, “My hands have germs on them,” builds and builds.  Although they are aware they are ‘being irrational,’ eventually, the pressure and stress from the thought leads them to hand wash, again.  Besides sore, chapped hands, the result is that everytime the thought is ‘rewarded’ with a behavior, the synapse pathway in the brain is strengthened, increasing the chance that it will all happen in the future, again.  It is similar to hiking an unwalked trail in the woods-- it is difficult to create a path, and you may get covered in brambles and pricker bushes...But if you walk the path 50 times, it carves out a nice smooth trail where you have created a groove in the forest.  The same goes for our brains--when we repeat a thought, we create the pathway for that thought (and emotional patterning) to happen again and again.

The solution to obsessive thoughts is to break this pattern. 

Many of my clients are sensitive empaths, which comes with an intuitive advantage but also an increased susceptibility to anxiety.  When we are sensitive, we need to increase self-care because we feel the emotions and problems of everyone around us so deeply.

So, whether you have a mild case of obsessing, or OCD--obsessing is always a product of anxiety. 

Here are some Common obsessive thoughts:

• I think I left the stove on. 
• What if I got insecticide on my hands, and I accidentally poisoned the family dinner?
 
• What stops me from grabbing this knife and stabbing my husband?

•  I could jump onto the electric subway tracks right now and die.
• What if I hit a pedestrian and didn't notice?

To overcome the obsessing, you need to change the feedback pattern.  And while anxiety does often have a genetic predisposition, there are tons of ways you can help manage and heal anxiety. 

Here’s some ways to turn down the inner mind-monster

1.  Identify the Mind Monster

The first thing is to notice that you are having an irrational thought, even and especially when it doesn’t seem irrational.  The mind monster wants you to believe his trap.  When we identify the thought as 'irrational,' we call his bluff and gain our power back.  

Have you ever seen the bumper sticker that says, “Don’t believe everything you think?”  Well, definitely don’t believe the mind monster.  It is helpful to describe the fear in one sentence, like if we are worried that we are being misunderstood at a business meeting but keep obsessing we realize:  "I am scared I will get fired from work."    

While this may seem obvious, this naming or labeling, remind us of what we are actually doing. 

It also is really helpful to create a little character out of your inner mind monster.  Name him, draw him, and get to know his top 5 favorite phrases.  This personification helps you to identify him in the future.  You will get the "flavor" of your monster.  You can’t fight an enemy you don’t see. 

2.   Categorize The Thought

Notice if the thought you are stressing over can be categorized as ‘all or nothing thinking,’ jumping to conclusions, exaggeration or discounting the positive.  Dr. David Burns bestseller “Feeling Good,” gives a great overview on the type of twisted thinking we can take part in. 

3.  Schedule Your Stress

This may sound counter-intuitive but when you notice that your whole day is susceptible to the unexpected guest of the mind monster, it is helpful to plan a short period of time in the day and make an appointment with the beast.  If you have 'stress out', written on your calendar everyday from 12:00-12:20 (keep it about 20 minutes), then when stressing the rest of the day, you can tell yourself, “I’m not going to do this now, I will save this for stress time.”  When you begin to corral your thoughts into a specific time slot it allows you to begin to feel in control of your mind again.

4.  Snap Out Of It

A common behavioral technique is to wear a rubber band around your wrist and give yourself a little snap everytime you hear the mind monster scream an unwanted thought at you.  If snapping feels too severe, you can also try writing the mind monster thought on a piece of paper. After you get it out, crinkle it up and toss it out. This is a great ritual where you get to literally thrown away your worry.

5.   Give It Up

It helps to get out of our mind and get the perspective from our Soul about what is going on.  The serenity prayer is a great reminder that we can’t control everything.  When we try to micromanage life, we end up stressed out of our gourds.  A “Soul Box” or "God Box" is a great ritual to pass off your fears.  Create a nice little box (buy one at the store or decorate an old shoe box) and put it next to your bed.  When you are stressing, write the fear down and put it in the box with a little prayer of, “I'm done stressing about this.  I give this to you, Universe/Soul/God to take care of.” 

The Serenity Prayer:

God grant me the serenity 

to accept the things I cannot change;

the courage to change the things I can;

and the wisdom to know the difference.

6.  Get Physical

Whenever we get in the body, we also get into the present moment.  Rub your hands together, march hard--feet pounding the floor, notice the cool temperature of a swim in the pool or the warm sun on your cheeks.  When you go for a jog, or walk in the woods you usually get a free pass out of mind monster-ville.

7.  Distract

Sometimes we just need to distract ourselves to confuse the mind monster.  My favorite distraction is always comedy.  Laughing always lightens things up.  Watch a comedy act, Americas Funniest Home Videos or make fun of yourself.  Realize that this too shall pass.

8.  Cut the Coffee

No one ever wants to hear this one but it’s true.  Even if you are only having mild anxiety symptoms, (and yes, obsessions are anxiety symptoms)…there is no good reason why you should be injesting caffeine.  It’s like throwing gas on a fire.

Cut down and replace your morning cup with something else.  Even if you have to replace your coke a cola with red vines, do what you have to do to wean yourself off the caffeine beast. 

Remember, the mind monster will always give you ‘good reasons’ to stress.  The mind monster lies.  Do not focus on the content of the thought, but realize the cold hard fact:  you are just anxious.  

So what do you do when you are anxious?  Handle the anxiety--directly.  Take a bath, go on a walk, laugh or talk to a friend.  Once you identify and label the anxiety, it allows us to relax, taming the once powerful but now defeated monster of the mind.  

Further Recommended Reading:

The Anxiety and Phobia Workbook

David Burns, "The Feeling Good Handbook."  

Being Psychic is Not the Point.

The “P” Word.

Psychic.  It’s not 4 letters, but it is often thought of as a dirty word.  Words have cultural bias attached to them--and following it like a bad rap sheet, the term ‘psychic’ needs a fresh start.  

When we hear the word ‘psychic,’ we are flooded with images of Miss. Cleo, flakey new-agers and swindling con-artists preying on their poor, grieving victims.  If a psychic character appears in a TV show, she (its always a kooky woman,) is portrayed making a wacky, zany and often-manipulative cameo.  This psychic archetype usually presents wearing a glittery turban on her head, toting a crystal ball and uttering odd and mystical mantras.  We learn from a young age: psychics are crack-pots, not to be trusted.  

(Sidenote: While doing research for this article I noticed that in the online Merriam-Webster Dictionary the examples of the term are: “She claims to be psychic.” And “”a TV psychic who managed to convince at least some people that their deceased loved ones were using him to relay messages”…Did you catch the ‘managed to convince’?  I thought so.  I’m psychic.)

And frankly, in the real world, there are a lot of crack-pot psychics.  I have seen psychics that prey on the unquestioning and use fear tactics to squeeze a couple more bucks out of a client.  There are straight up fakers.  I have witnessed psychics who are more interested in getting their own egoic power-hits and puff up like a cat who ate the canary, than actually serving the highest good of the person coming to them for guidance.  I once went to a psychic with a friend in San Francisco who told her she was covered in dark energy and her love life was doomed.  For only $50 a week she would light a candle and take this family curse off of her.  In reality, my friend was working through a ton of shit at the time and did have a lot of heavy energy around her and was riding a string of terrible dates that were, ‘Lifetime movie’ worthy.  But this psychic was using fear tactics to run her business.  She was laying on the doom or gloom to gain a buck.  She was not explaining to my friend her own energetic part in her fate and giving her practical steps so that she could personally shift her own reality. 

This store-front psychic’s approach did not empower, enlighten or help raise consciousness, for my friend. 

I once met a well-known and accurate psychic who wanted to give me a psychic reading.  He approached me with a true, accurate and specific statement about my father who had crossed over.  But he followed his specific ‘hit’ up with a fear-based statement about how much I really needed him to tell me some key information or I would regret it later.  No matter how gifted or accurate his psi-talents were, there was no way I would pay for a reading from this man.  He proved to me, by his approach, his lack of ethics and exposed his power-hungry motivations.  He was attempting to put me in the role of lost seeker worshiping  at the foot of the psychic guru.  I would never want to open up and become emotionally vulnerable with a man who lacks psychic integrity.  Just like in any field of business, there are good psychics and there are bad psychics.

Here’s a newsflash, folks:  Psychics are real.  They are not unicorns, they exists.  And they aren’t (necessarily) crazy.  

Being psychic is a skill.  It is true that some people are born incredibly psychic, the same way some people are born incredibly talented musically, or athletically.  But being psychic is also a learned skill.  I attended a 3 year-long school where I meditated and trained to become more accurate, specific and consistent with my psychic hits.  I watched myself and others learn how to trust the natural imaginative and intuitive abilities that we are all inherently born with.  I nudged and woke up this dormant ability that had been sleeping.  (And in my case, actually passed out hard, doped up on sleeping pills, snoring and drooling on the pillow.  So I was super-surprised when I started receiving incredible validation from practice readings:  “How did you know my brother runs an art gallery?” “I DO have an allergy to strawberries.”  “Yes, my mother died when I was four.”)

And here’s another shocking piece of information: You are psychic too.  Yes, you reading this article.  How do I know this?  Because if you are human, you are psychic.  You can call it “trusting your gut,” or “the still small voice,” but we are all intuitive.  I work with NYC businessmen that would never tell their friends out loud where they are getting their information about whom to go into business with and their predictions on different deals.  These men are part of a fast and powerful boys club where the big secret they are all keeping is how they know what they know.  Yet, some of these men (who mostly find me via their wives sending them my way) are incredibly psychic on their own.  You don’t get far in business without a 6^th sense.  Steve Jobs, Richard Bronson, Donald Trump, Co-Co Chanel, Martha Stewart, Madonna and Oprah are all super intuitive.  Or let’s just say it:  psychic.

People often whisper to me in conspiratorial tones when they learn what I do for a living.  They lean over and urgently hiss:  “I always know if someone is going to call me on the phone.” “I seem to always know the next song on the radio.” “I’ve had dreams that have come true!” or even,  “I can see spirits too!”  They, then, glance around manically to see if anyone has overheard their deep, dark secret.

All of this hush-hush hiding, leads me to believe there is serious trauma and drama on this little “p” word.  What’s the big woop?

The interesting part is that the people with the most cynicism (I mean cynical not skeptical-link to read more about that here,) later confess to me that they have personally experienced a psychic experience.  I remember one incredibly angry skeptic that later admitted she knew her grandmother would die days before she actually did.  One angry cynic, dead-set on arguing with me, later revealed an out-of-body experience where he experienced intense telepathy with loved ones in his family.  Why is it that the most angry skeptics are actually some of the most intuitive, spiritual people?  Well psychologically, we can categorize this behavior as reaction formation (future blog post coming on this soon).  But, Spiritually, I think it is those who feel and remember most the promise of who they actually are, become the most disenchanted and angry at their lack of permission to be it.  If we are numbed to our natural psychic whisperings, we aren’t angry we just may be distracted or sleepwalking through life.  The anger, to me is a promising spiritual sign that screams to me: “We’ve got a live one!”  Because of the intense societal pressure and programming which numbs us to sleep…their anger is incredibly justified. 

We have an incredibly amount of cultural pressure to deny our natural spiritual orientation.  We are spirits having a human experience. ( And guess what?  When you experience yourself as a spirit out of body, you don’t have a mouth, as mouths seem to be part of the whole “body” package.)  When I had my out-of-body experience I was shocked to realize the way I was communicating with other spirits was through my mind, or telepathically which is to say, psychically.  Psychic communication is our natural language.  Social scientists say 90 percent of communication is nonverbal, happening solely through body language.  When dogs are at the dark park they can tell immediately which dogs it wants to play with and which ones are dangerous and to be avoided.  More than just body language, these dogs are also reading energy cues.  Cesar Milan, the well-known dog whisperer, frequently speaks about this energy communication that dogs inherently sense.  We are also animals, and are constantly making energetic and psychic assessments, while engaging in energetic conversations throughout the day.

What is most important is that our natural psychic abilities allow us to hear the Soul.  Soul speaks to us through metaphor, imagination and feeling.  If we deny that we can speak Soul, we have inadvertedly cut off our native tongue.  When tongue-less, we become spiritually speechless, authentically powerless and targets for becoming controlled and manipulated.  When we cannot hear the Soul, we are left in an incredibly vulnerable situation; we then rely on external experts, authorities and guides before trusting our own inherent Soul-knowing.  There is a strong reality to the advertising, political and capitalistic powers at be that would like us to remain in this vulnerable and helpless state. 

I am not a big conspiracy theorist, but when something reeks this bad…I have to call bullshit.

Did you see the movie, ‘Men Who Stare At Goats,’ with George Clooney and Jeff Bridges?  Well, guess what?  That movie was based on a true story about when, in the late 70’s and early 80’s, the government spent our tax dollars to form a U.S. Army military battalion trained in using paranormal psi powers like teleknesis and  remote viewing to psychically spy on others. 

George Clooney’s character is based on retired Special Forces Intel, First Sergeant, Glenn Wheaton.  Wheaton was a Green Beret who used remote viewing, or psychic spying, to bring back intelligence grade data using only his mind.  This southern gentleman is from the Louisiana Bayou, and considered a respected and caring teacher and member of the community. 

Look it up, check it out.  (His interview is included in the "Extras" in the home DVD version of the movie.)  Do you think the army would invest funds in a psychic spy battalion without some darn good reasons as to why?  Our government invested in the training of psi abilities for our national protection and most of us have never heard about it.

Think of the awesomeness that could be created on the planet if, instead of spending energy debating the question: “Are psychic things possible?” we instead, worked together to channel and harness this energy for good and healing on the planet. 

When psychic powers are used to impress, cajole or prove—it’s the lowest use of this spiritual skill.  Well-respected spiritual teacher, Richard Moss, tells a brilliant story in his book, “The I that is We.”  He attended a party that was hosting a psychic who was showing off her skills.  She was impressively answering people’s questions by guiding people to specific pages of books in a home that she had never been to previously and delivering, with meaningful answers.  As the evening progressed, the psychic began predicting floods and earthquakes and Moss felt that the psychic using fear and gloom to powerfully dominate the room.  When it was Moss’s turn to ask a question, he, according to format, asked the question telepathically in his mind so she could channel the answer through automatic writing.  Moss asked, “What would be the relevance of what you have been channeling if we were to shift collectively to heart level.”  Her response was, “It would not ensue.”  When Moss explained, aloud, to everyone at the party what had happened in the communication, the psychic jumped from her chair and shrieked.  For the rest of the evening she was extremely disturbed, irrational and embarrassed.   This story gets to the heart of the matter:  The point of psychic abilities are to assist in evolving us into our true selves-- guided by the heart and use our inherently natural tool to help, heal and connect. 

I am torn about claiming the ‘P ‘word for myself.  I know the reactions people have when I say, “I am psychic.”  Yet, I am psychic and, (as my partner pointed out it last night, when I was rambling about this blog post) it is a big part of what I do in my sessions and how I get my spiritual/soul information.  It seems sneaky for me to hide that I’m psychic.  (There are also tons of stereotypes about what being psychic is and isn’t, which I cover in a video blog here.)  But I want to be really clear: being psychic is not the point.  It is not the end goal. 

The end goal is not even to perform miracles.  Both of these are just glorified spiritual magic tricks if we overlook the ‘Why” in the age old question, “Why are we here?”  It is not what you are doing, but what energy you are doing it from.  The ‘Why’ of the ‘why we are here?’ is to BE LOVE:  To be our own unique form and expression of Love on the planet.  If you are using psychic powers to get ego-hits by making it all about you, to impress, or to power trip you are seriously missing the point.  If there is so much of a wiff of unconscious power-tripping and manipulation, I’m not interested.  And in fact, I’m offended.  You are making the rest of us look like shit. 

We are here to get in our hearts.  We are here to serve the Soul.  If being psychic is helping you with that mission then, awesome-sauce.  If training to be psychic, meditating or whatever you are doing spiritually is taking you off the path of Love, then drop the habit.  What the planet needs now is connection, compassion and Love with a capital L.  Here’s to big psychic Lovin!

Channeled Soul Paintings

My amazing client, Danielle, is a visionary painter, textile and clothing designer.  Her clothing line, Onerary, is truly the result of heart and artistry combined.  Onerary is derived from the Greek word Oneraria, which means to be in a dreamlike state.

After her grandfather passed away, she wanted a way to carry him with her at all times.  She painted his portrait and screenprinted the image onto a patch.  She sewed the patch onto the back of her jean jacket where he now protects her.

Danielle's Grandpa, Rudy Arturi

When Danielle showed me the patch on her jacket, my jaw dropped.  It struck me as a beautiful, devotional, connected way to carry our loved ones with us.

People often call me to connect with a loved one who has crossed over.  The spirits frequently share with me their frustration around how their grieving, living relative does not engage with them in the present, but only as an (often-sad) memory.  They want us to know we can call upon them and have them with us now if we choose.  They want to be in direct contact, able to engage with their energy in the NOW, in the PRESENT.  They are still here, although they are on a different vibrational plane.  To contact them we need to slow down our thoughts, feel into the spaces between them and open to the feeling and sensory world where they now live.

Danielle and her grandpa

I could feel the power of Danielle's portraits and asked her about the process of how she paints.  She told me that she centers and feels the energy of the spirit of the person.  Then they appear to her on an energetic plane and together, create the piece in her imaginative, dreamy style.  Danielle channels Soul Portraits with the loved one to create breath-taking pieces of art, that are fused with the spirit of the person who has crossed.  She can also paint the living, and contacts the spirit of the person in the same way, while she creates.  Either way, the spirit part of ourselves is eternal and always available for connection.  

Here are some of her pieces.  Feel into them.

I was blessed to have Danielle paint my son and myself when I was my son's age:

Danielle is a gift to this world.  In a world where many have forgotten, Danielle still knows how to Dream.  Dreaming is not for the naive or the childish.  Dreaming takes massive courage.  We are not supported in our culture to be connected to the world of the senses.  The imaginative realm, the realm of the Dream is where our Soul resides.  To enter the world of the invisibles, the world where our crossed loved ones inhabit, we need to navigate in the dark.  We use our feeling sense, our heart-sense to guide us.  Danielle is a way-shower on how to do this.

She is available to paint your own loved ones in her channeled Soul Paintings.  She can also do a custom screenprint if you would like the image printed onto fabric.  I cannot think of a better way to commemorate and celebrate the spirit of the spirits that surround us.

Thanks, Danielle, for remembering how to dream.




http://oneiromancylove.tumblr.com/

5 Most Common Myths About Psychics

I just put up a new video blog.  The top 5 myths about psychics (outtakes at the end).

Photobooth madness.

Soul Resolutions

Here's an idea for your New Year's resolutions:  instead of what you want this year (your ego's resolutions) why don't you ask your Soul HER (or HIS) goals for you this year? 

Post below, I would love to know what they are. 


My Soul told me: 

1. Stay with ME more of the time 
2. Trust that I am always working for you behind the scenes 
3. Love me in public 
4. Tell everyone that their Soul's love them harder, greater, bigger, deeper and with more devotion than they will ever know. 

Happy New Year!

2013 Baby!

p.s.  Tell Sphinx I love her!

Day of the Dead

Today is November 2, The Day of the Dead. My father passed away, unexpectedly, 6 years ago yesterday on November 1, All Saints Day. One of his favorite songs was the jazzy, "When the Saints Go Marching In." We played it at his funeral. He would have wanted us to. I feel he was watching over his friends surprise at the upbeat tune--smiling. He was a rule-breaker.

My dad was, on earth, a feisty Italian who loved to cook huge feasts for family and friends. He always said he felt like a failure if he couldn't get his guests to eat something, even if they stopped by for only a short visit. "Mangia! Mangia!" He would command, and place an array of treats before them.

My dad was the largest sceptic in my life. He thought that auras and chakras were ridiculous. He was a scientist. A biochemist. He was a genius at what he did. When other scientist have told me about his work they are usually in awe...unsure of how he could have achieved what he did in his field. He was a true entrepreneur and risk-taker. He choose to "Follow His Bliss" and created his own business that allowed him to stay home and be with his family as much as possible. He was proud of this. He should be.

My dad has visited me since his crossing, as a spirit. I am writing about my experiences with his spirit in my book currently, so I will not go into detail here. But I do want to say that on this day, I honor you dad. I acknowledge how you have been my biggest teacher. You have helped me to understand what I truly am, here and now. Your skepticism helped me to know my strength and your love helped me to have endurance for the journey.

For today, November 2, The Day of the Dead, this quote is fitting:

"Time is an enormous, long river, and I’m standing in it, just as you’re standing in it. My elders are the tributaries, and everything they thought and every struggle they went through and everything they gave their lives to, and every song they created, and every poem that they laid down flows down to me – and if I take the time to ask, and if I take the time to see, and if I take the time to reach out, I can build that bridge between my world and theirs. I can reach down into that river and take out what I need to get through this world."
~ Utah Phillips